Who among us wouldn’t love to be able to experience more fulfillment in their relationship? More love, more commitment, more happiness, more intimacy. Well, guess what? That’s exactly what learning your partner’s “love language” will help you do! You’ll be improving your relationship in no time with this simple strategy.
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What is a “Love Language?”
According to Gary Chapman in his book “The Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts,” everyone speaks, understands, and shows love differently. Our emotional language, the one that expresses and understands love, is our “love language.” Chapman has compiled years of personal experience as a marriage counselor and firsthand accounts of relationships to form the theory that there are five basic ways we each experience love.
Our language can differ greatly from our partner’s. When this happens, and we “speak different languages,” it can cause feelings of being unloved, resentment, and lack of interest in our partner. Worst of all, we may not even realize that we’re not speaking the same language! Instead, we think that we are no longer in love with our partner, or that our partner no longer loves us.
According to the theory, to be our best in a relationship our “love tanks” need to be full. To keep our tanks full, our partner needs to understand our love language and how to speak it. This will ensure that we feel loved and make us better partners to our spouse as we return the favor and continually fill their love tank by speaking their love language.
Unlocking our spouse’s love language then is central to improving our relationship to create a stronger, healthier, more loving bond. Luckily, Dr. Chapman teaches us exactly how to do that in “The Five Love Languages.” He provides a clear guide for improving our relationship by teaching us how to learn our spouse’s love language and use it effectively.
The 5 Love Languages
The book goes into great detail, including anecdotal stories and questions to illuminate the patterns and components within each language, and each variation of the language (which he refers to as “dialects”). Below is a brief overview of each of the five languages. Just from the short descriptions below, you may already be able to feel which one may be your language, or your spouse’s!
Each of these five languages includes components that the speaker of that language craves. They are what they need from their partner in order to keep their “love tanks” full. Keep in mind these are very basic and brief overviews. There is far more to each language in the book.
No matter what language your spouse speaks you will be able to connect with them better if you figure out which it is. Whether it’s gifts, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service, or physical touch each language provides you with insights and a general guide to keep your partner’s love tank full.
Benefits of learning and using your spouse’s love language
I actually received this book from the pastor that officiated our wedding several years ago. At the time, I had some interest in reading it, but I didn’t have the time. About a year ago, I stumbled upon it on our bookshelf and decided to read it. I wish I had sooner!
Everyone can benefit greatly from learning and speaking their partner’s love language. This strategy has helped thousands of marriages. At the time of this writing, “The Five Love Languages” has over 10,000 reviews and an overall 5-star rating on Amazon and is a #1 best seller. It has also been a New York Times Best Seller for eight years and has sold over 11 million copies.
There is one reason this book, and all of his others, have been so successful. They’re valuable. All relationships can benefit from using love languages effectively. If Improving your relationship is important to you, you need to read this book!
Here are a few benefits I’ve seen in my own marriage.
- Ability to focus on my partner’s love language enables me to spend less time on the forms of affection that don’t resonate with him. I get “more bang for my buck” so to speak!
- Ensuring our love tanks are full enables us to show love effectively, without really feeling like we have to continually “try” to show love. It occurs more naturally and is, therefore, less effort.
- We’re both happier and less stressed in other situations outside of the home because we’re making each other happier inside the home.
- After several years of marriage, everything becomes routine. Trying harder to show love in a way that is more meaningful to each other breaks the routine and increases feelings of intimacy. It brings back some of those “early love” feelings that fade as time goes on in a relationship.
I’ve even applied the theory to other relationships in my life and seen improvement. It isn’t just for couples; it’s universal for all forms of love. Improving your relationship with your parents and children, friends, and grandparents is all possible. Learning another person’s love language and using it can only bring positive results.
Don’t wait. Start improving your relationship today!
“The Five Love Languages” is quick and easy to read. It includes advice on how to go about determining your love language and that of your spouse. If you need a more specific guide, there is a short but very thorough quiz in the back to help you determine your exact love language. It also includes some starter ideas for how to express each “love language.” This is incredibly helpful if your partner’s language ends up being one that doesn’t come naturally to you.
If you have interest in creating a more loving and fulfilling relationship, I highly recommend buying a copy of “The Five Love Languages.” You will not be sorry! Even already healthy relationships can benefit from learning and implementing the love language philosophy.
I consider my marriage very healthy. We have excellent communication, share in all important decisions, rarely fight over anything significant, and compromise well. I didn’t think I’d learn anything from the book, to be honest. But I did learn something, and the result was to experience greater fulfillment in my marriage and all of my other relationships. Now I want the same thing for you!